Tuesday, July 22

Seasonal Change

I have heard people speak before on seasons with regards to friendships. I don't think I ever really understood that concept until recently. I went through a period where I lost several friend I had known for some time...this happened about a year and a half ago. Then in the last few days I have gone through a similar separation. This time it was from a group of women I met online while planning my wedding. With the first set of friends I was...am...heartbroken, but they decided our friendship was of little value to keep it. Through that (and other situations in my life) I became depressed and began pushing other people away. I know that I alienated many people through this period as well and have been trying to mend some of those bridges as I work to pull myself up and become the positive person I used to be.

However, this most recent loss fees much more like a gain. I allowed myself to believe I was close to these women and allowed their opinions to hold some amt of validity to me. I realized today that I don't want to surround myself with negative people or with people who put so much stock in the things that I find trivial. It is nothing against these women...it just isn't what I want for my life. I want to surround myself with people that lift eachother up and don't bring people down. With women that search for solutions and strive to make thier lives better as opposed to people who hard on negatives and complain about the small things they see that are wrong.

I used to be a very positive person, and I know that person is still in me somewhere, but I have lost sight of the things that are important to me...God, my husband, family, and school. I have no need (or room) for drama and people that aren't interested in the same things I am. I need to refocus myself and allow myself and my life to come back to what I want it to be. I need to take control of myself, my relationships, my work life, my home life, and my spirituality. I need to prioritize again and bring myself back into focus.

It is amazing to look back on your life and all of a sudden feel like, "oh, yeah...that is what it was all about. How did I ever forget that?" But I am there right now. My focus for the next few months will be on becoming a healthier person all around...healthy marriage, healthy physically, healthy mentally, and healthy financially. This will definitely be a journey, but I am so excited to get started and can't wait to reap the benefits of the outcome!