Not Living Up to Expectations

The beginning of this year has been rough...and we hadn't even recovered from last year.  Since June of last year we have lost two pregnancies, out cat was hit by a car, we downsized from a 1200sf 3 bedroom/3 bath duplex to a 900sf 2 bd/1ba apartment, and my husband started his masters program (for real...full time).  It's been a lot to handle and I think we've done pretty well (all things considered). 

However, today as I look around at my house I realize how easy it is for me to feel overwhelmed.  We have a lot going on.  Not just in dealing with the last 7 months, but also in looking forward to the future.  I know this is something that many people find overwhelming, which is probably why so many choose to just live today and worry about the future some other time (we were these people when we first got married).  Unfortunately it doesn't get any easier to start really evaluating where your life is going and how you are going to get to the end or do all the things you want to do.  Remember when that movie The Bucket List came out?  And all of a sudden everyone started talking about all the crazy dreams they had for their life...the things they wanted to accomplish before they died?  Maybe it wasn't as wide-spread as it seemed at our little college, but I remember thinking about all the cool things I wanted to do (visit Europe mostly).  But I don't remember spending too much time thinking about how in the world I was going to finance all those cool things or when I would plan on doing them.  As I've gotten older and become responsible for more lives than just mine, I realize that the time spent planning for those things is so incredibly important.  But it's also important to be realistic in that planning.  I can't just decide to go to Europe for 3 months next summer...it's not realistic.  For one, my husband doesn't have that kind of time off work, nor would we be able to save up enough money for all of us to head over there next summer even if we could.

This brings me to the title of my post..."not living up to expectations".  While it can be difficult to feel you don't live up to the expectations place on you by society or your parents or your friends or your spouse, that isn't really what I'm talking about.  I'm talking about the expectations that we place on ourselves...which can be so much harsher than anything anyone else could put on us--except maybe my kids because they expect me to be a princess and I can think of few ways I will live up to that everyday...pretty harsh stuff :). 

My expectations are pretty high.  Here are a few things on the list:
- keep my house clean
- keep the clothes washed
- don't drown in dirty dishes (and don't resort to environment-killing paper/Styrofoam)
- get my homework done and don't fall behind
- limit my kids screen time
- feed my kids healthy meals 3 times a day plus snacks (most should be homemade)
- cook a nice meal each night for dinner
- cook something decently nice for my husband at lunch
- workout
- do fun things with my kids each day
- read a lot of books to my kids
- do fun projects and crafts with my kids

While those are some of the things I expect from myself I can easily be disappointed.  Here is an example of my day today...a day where I feel VERY disappointed:
- my kids ate peanut butter/cheese crackers and vanilla wafers for breakfast
- we have eaten almost exclusively off paper plates for almost a week
- the paper plates have NOT kept me away from a mountain of dishes that seem to be multiplying in my sink faster than bunnies!
- my kids have spent the majority of the day watching tv or playing on their tablets
- my house is dirty...not just a little unkempt but downright dirty :(
- the craftiest thing I did with my kids today was let them color on their white boards
- my husband got McDonald's for lunch today and we had hamburger helper yesterday
- I have yet to workout again since recovering from my cold two weeks ago
- I almost broke an ankle climbing over hot wheels and tiny trains to turn the light off in my kids room at nap time
- I HAVE managed to get quite a bit of homework done...but the homework time is mostly to blame for the status of the rest of the things on this list

It would easy right now to beat myself up about all the things I did wrong or haven't done at all today.  But is it helpful?  I'm not the kind of person that responds well to "harsh" treatment, so why is my first response to beat myself up?  I know it won't help, it won't make me any more productive and, in fact, just might drive me to finish off the chocolate chips in the pantry.  I have to learn a new way to respond to myself.  I don't think the answer is to have no expectations or even ridiculously low ones, but rather to find peace with the compromises you are making and knowing that they are what is best...trying to see the big picture.

For me, it's being ok with eating off of paper plates.  It's trying to find balance between crafts and books and tv and still finding time for homework.  It's limiting my exposure to things that cause me to compare myself and feel bad about where I am on my journey (I'm looking at you Pinterest and Facebook).  Someone told me last weekend something that has really been a source of comfort and strength for me..."your story isn't the same as anyone else and their story isn't yours".  I have to find ways to remind myself where I am (overwhelmed) and come up with a plan on how to get where I want to be...even prioritizing all the different things I want.  Finishing school is a big motivator for me and my husband.  If that means we eat off paper plates for a while or we eat more fast food than normal then maybe we need to find peace with that...it's not sacrificing one thing for another (health for school) but finding a middle ground that works.

Faith and Falling

**I'm turning back to writing as a release and way of dealing with feelings I'm having.  I'm not editing or rereading these...just writing.**

Days like today I am reminded of the need to live our religious life on faith not feelings.  It's so easy to make our feelings into a reason to not do something...they become less of an excuse in our minds and a legitimate reason to do or not do something.  I don't feel like God is there for me today.  I don't feel like trusting His plan...to be honest...today...I think His plan is bullshit.  I think it sucks.  Today can easily turn in to tomorrow, to next week, or to 6 months from now.  Maybe in 6 months I'll still feel like the plan...the path I'm on...is bullshit.  But that's living based on how I feel.

Faith is something different, isn't it.  Faith is trusting that no matter how I feel, the plan is good.  At least by some measure of the word "good"...even if to me even writing that hurts my heart and breaks it into a million pieces.  After all, how could it be "good"?  For a child to die...no matter how young or inconsequential it may seem to others...a fetus, a grouping of cells, a nothing.  My child wasn't nothing.  My child was perfect...innocent...very much loved and wanted.  Both of my children were.  Yet now when people look at our family they see a family of 4...but I see a family of 6 that has been separated.  A family torn apart, splintered by death.  Parents quietly grieving half of their children.  Living children who won't, for years maybe, understand the other 1/2 of them that is missing.  Living children who still need love, safety, affirmation, and attention.

If I smile while I cry they don't see the pain.  If I smile while I cry, they don't ask questions.  If I smile while I cry I can grieve in the open without my living children seeing how much I am hurting on the inside.  At least for a while.

Faith, like my heart...like my family...has been shattered for me.  I feel like I'm falling through the rabbit hole...grasping for anything to keep myself righted...yet finding nothing but blackness and emptiness around me.  I'm just falling.  Some days I fall slower than others, but I don't feel it stopping yet.  I don't know if it ever will.  I hope someday my faith will keep me upright, make the fall slower, or give me a way to not be afraid in the dark.  But that is just wishful thinking today...hope for tomorrow.

Wood Pallets...Should We Use Them?

There have been TONS of projects that I've seen lately using wood from pallets (those things that companies use for shipping).  I have to say I've even been tempted myself.  But about a  year ago I read an article referencing the dangers and frustrations that can arise from the use of pallets for building projects.  I can't find that article, though I'm still working on tracking it down.  Anyway, here are some articles that I've found addressing some of these concerns.  From bugs to chemical contact, these articles should be taken into consideration before you decide to go forward with this type of material.

Why We Should Not be Using Pallets in our Interiors

Do You Know Where Your Wood Pallet Has Been?

Don't Reuse Wood Pallets

One other concern, which I don't feel is well addressed in these articles, is that these pallets are NOT constructed for the long term.  The nails are not always hammered in straight and it's common for these manufacturers to use spiral nails that are VERY hard to remove.  These boards can splinter easily, contain knots in the wood, and can otherwise be unwieldy to work with.

While you may still decide to use pallets in your construction projects, pleas heed these cautions.  The generally safe way to use pallets would be to use them from a reputable place that doesn't re-use them for shipping purposes, that you inspect them VERY carefully for any signs of infestation (they can easily harbor termites and cockroaches and various other yucky bugs), and to use them for projects that will remain outside (or at least far away from food preparation purposes and bedding).

Journeys in Juicing and Beginner's Recipe

One bigger purchase my husband and I have been discussing for some time was getting a juicer.  We talked about different options (Vitamix-type blender vs traditional juicer), how much produce would cost us, and whether we were really interested in drinking enough to justify the cost.  About 2 weeks ago we took the plunge.  We used some money that we'd been saving and purchased a Juiceman juicer from Target.  We also then purchased a LOT of fruit and veggies to get started.

So with a few recipes printed off, we started.  And we actually did pretty well!  We are only juicing for breakfast and the kids usually end up drinking most of mine, but we've been really good about sticking with it so far!  We have learned a few things from the recipes we've tried and speaking with others.

1. We don't like the all vegetable juices.  We don't eat a lot of veggies regularly and some of the flavors are just not good to us.  We don't want to have to "choke down" our juice.
2. Pears and apples will cover the flavors in many veggies...so we tend to load up on those.
3. My kids LOVE fresh juice!!!  They loved store-bought juice before so I guess I shouldn't really be surprised, but they often ask for seconds of juices I have trouble getting down.  
4. There is a steep learning curve to juicing.  We've learned a lot about how to prep veggies and fruit for juicing and what things are just not worth juicing (like grapes...while yummy they produce surprising little juice for the money).

Here is a picture I took tonight of our shopping trip today.

All of this produce was purchased at Aldi's (except for the lemons, I think).  We've found them to have some of the best prices on produce (though there's no organic fruit there, this is the best option for us right now) and it's usually in good condition!

So anyway, that will last us about a week.  Because of the cost, we can't afford to juice all the time, but we are doing what we can and we have noticed a difference when we have to stop for a day or so.  So I'm gonna give you our favorite juice recipe now....enjoy!

Basic Beginner Juice

3 apples (any kind-stem and core removed)

2 pears (remove stem and seeds)

3 carrots (trim off end)

2 large handfuls spinach leaves

This makes about 12-16 ounces of juice and serves one adult (or two children who love juice).  My kids LOVE this as do my husband and I. Hope you do too!

Parenting is a Marathon, not a Series of Sprints

I haven't written in quite some time.  Today, I just wanted to take a chance to sit down and pour out some things I've been thinking about (and need to remember in the future).

It's so much easier to "run" life like a sprint.

Going from one new idea to another, well, that compliments my ADD perfectly!  Looking at something and saying, "that would be great right now"...that's how I operate, but it's not always best.  Some of my "sprint" ideas turn out pretty well...for instance I decided to do the Bible in 90 Days program...while it is definitely taking me longer than 90 days I did just go for it and I've done much better than I normally do with reading plans like this!

However, sprinting encourages me to be nearsighted and not to pay attention to what the real finish line looks like.  Most recently this has been with regards to parenting.

***For the record, if I describe a way you are parenting as something that doesn't work for my "marathon" intentions, please don't think I dislike what you are doing.  Not every situation or choice is good for all kids or all families.  I have to do what is best for MY kids and MY family.  No judgement toward your decisions is implied.***

Parenting is far more difficult than you can ever fathom before you become a parent...at least that's been my experience.  It's not that it's tough changing diapers, making sure they get fed, playing with your kids, etc.   (well, sometimes it is).  But being responsible for them...well that's the toughie for me!  Not just responsible that they are still breathing at the end of the day, keep all their teeth, and don't break too many bones...but responsible for the kind of adult they turn out to be.  Responsible for whether or not they turn out to be responsible, productive citizens.  Yikes!  That's enough to make me want to run in the other direction most days.

Lots of things come up that sound like great experiences or opportunities...
YMCA youth soccer starts at age 3...Carter will be 3 in August.
Preschool starts at age 4 and can be done 1/2 days every day, two days a week, at home, or not at all.
Language immersion schools, charter schools, moving to better public school districts, homeschooling, unschooling...
Is your head spinning like mine?  It's so easy for me to think about the benefits these can offer to my child(ren).

Wow...they could be potty trained already!  Yep I know a lady who's potty training an 11 month old yet my 1 and 2 year olds are no where near that.

They could be fluent in two languages...awesome!  Sign me up!

They could get to run after a ball with no clue they are actually playing a game let alone a sport...sounds so cute and fun!

They should know all their letters before they start school, be able to read chapter books by 1st grade, AND know how to tie their shoes!  Why don't we start them younger than 4! Wait...isn't that the point of kindergarten?

How many science projects should my child do in kindergarten?  Did I even DO science in kindergarten?!?!?

These are all thoughts that have swirled around in my head over the last few months.  It's overwhelming, to say the least.  But to put it all in perspective I have to remember that my children's lives aren't about ANY of this!  It's not about who can sing their ABC's first, read the youngest, speak the most languages, or be a soccer star at 4.  It's about the end result...the adults they grow up to be.  It's about being conscious of the character traits I'm instilling in them now, the ones I will continue to work on as they understand more, and the entirety of their raising.  That's what matters.  Not how many new toys they have, clubs they join, or sports they play now.  Not how many classic novels they read before 3rd grade.

The marathon takes more training, more patience, more stamina.  It takes all of my heart, brain, and so much grace from God.  It takes me putting aside what I *think* my kids should be doing right now...because that's usually based on what others are telling me they should do or what I see other kids doing.  I need to focus on what they *need* in the long term.  My kids, in my opinion, need to see their parents in love, to see their parents worshiping God and studying His word, to learn what God wants for all of us.  And they need some more practical things like to know how to handle money (and not just how to spend it like it's going out of style), to be gracious to others, to show compassion, to serve, to do basic math, to enjoy reading, and, yes, to tie their shoes (velcro seems hard to come by as an adult).

The marathon is the difficult path to choose.  The marathon requires patience--something many are in short supply of, including myself.  The marathon requires commitment and taking time to see where the finish line really is and then to try to figure out the best way to move toward it.  The sprint isn't easy, by any means, but it's over quickly.  And then on to another, and another, and another.  The marathon isn't short bursts of the next-best-thing, it's a prolonged sense of what is truly important.

And...this is important...it seems to be slightly different for each and every child and family.  Your marathon will look different than mine.  Henry's might look different than Carter's.  But it's still important to try and figure out what it looks like and then, the hard part, how to learn to be content with the path you've chosen.

Sugar Free Baked Oatmeal

Our family was finally able to sign the lease on our new place the Friday after Christmas.  After signing we made a quick trip to Kansas City to see family over the weekend, drove home Monday evening, and the movers arrived at 9:30 Tuesday (Jan 3) to get us to the new house [it's actually a duplex].  We're finally feeling more settled in and have gotten a vast majority of our boxes unpacked.  

All that to say that meal times have been a bit harried around here for the last few weeks.  We're still occasionally eating off paper plates (when my day is too full to be able to get dishes done) and I'm just really starting to cook more than frozen pizzas.  This morning was my first morning back to actually cooking...and it felt pretty good!  Not only was I able to get some healthy food into my kiddos, but I also modified a recipe I've used for years and made it sugar free!  I'd say that gives me license to take the rest of the day off...right?  

Baked Oatmeal

1/2 c oil (I generally use coconut oil)

3/4 c maple syrup

2 eggs

slightly less than 1 c milk

3 c oats 

2 t baking powder

1/4 t salt

1 t cinnamon

1 t vanilla (optional)

Mix all ingredients together and pour into 8x8 baking dish.  Bake 30-40 minutes at 375.

**This is also really good with cinnamon/sugar apples mixed in or served on top, but we don't have any apples right now...this ended up tasting like maple oatmeal...yummy!

One way to honor your spouse for Christmas (or why there were mice in my fridge)

Sometimes my husband feels like he takes a back seat to my kids...and a lot of time he's right.  It's easy to do when you have little ones that require so much of your attention and assistance throughout the day.  Lately my kids have been very mommy-needy.  That coupled with all that we've gone through this year, has been leaving my husband feeling a little neglected lately.  With Christmas right around the corner (which is usually focused more on our kids) I wanted to do something special for him.

I read a blog, though now I can't remember which one, about doing a 12 days of Christmas for your spouse.  I thought that sounded like a great idea!  So I set off at the beginning of December to figure out how I could make this work on a VERY meager budget.  So far it has been a HUGE hit with my husband and it's been lots of fun for me!

I'll post after the holidays with the full 12 days, but wanted to share with you about what I did yesterday.  Yesterday was day 7 (Christmas Eve will be day 12 as we open gifts on Christmas Eve).  And here is what he got...

The card says, "7 mice (and no your wife didn't turn into a cat)".

He had no clue these cute little chocolate cherry mice were peering out from our refrigerator :)

It hasn't been the most elaborate thing I've ever done and most of the "gifts" have been token things (a toast with our wedding flutes and sparkling cider or a walk through the Rhema Christmas lights), but the thought behind it (according to the hubs) has been the cool part!  We have gotten to take this chance to look back on some of the things we've done with one another since we started dating almost 7 years ago and it's been nice to have that time to reconnect during this busy season :)

Pressing On

I feel like every time I get on here to write I think about how crazy our life is right now.  Throughout the day I think, "things will slow down after xyz is over" or "after I finish xyz we can relax"...only to realize that after xyz comes abc and we start a crazy season all over again.  I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that life is just that busy.  There are things we could stop doing that would slow us down a little, but we feel that the things we're doing right now are exactly the things God wants us doing.  That includes a pretty big change that will be taking place for our family within the next few weeks.

We're moving.

I don't have time or the energy to go into all the details leading up to this decision, not right now anyway.  I am working on a longer post about the journey God has had us on the last 6-9 months, but for now we just wanted to let everyone know what's going on with us.  And answer a few questions we've been getting lately :)

No, we don't know exactly where we are moving yet or the exact dates of our move.

We will be moving into a rental, but will still be in the Tulsa area.

Hopefully tomorrow we will know more concrete details as we are hoping the application process for the duplex we're looking at will be complete.  We are praying that God orchestrates this move for next week, but we know that we will be out of this house by the middle of January at the very latest.  We would certainly appreciate any prayers you can send up for us as we make this transition.  Also, our oldest has an appointment with the developmental pediatrician for more testing on January 4th and we'd love prayers for that also!  Hope to be back soon to share more about this journey!

S'more Trail Mix...good enough for frazzled mommy's everywhere

Things around here have been CRAZY busy the last week or so.  I promise I'll update more on that soon, but I wanted to pop over and write a short post on how one frazzled mama was able to giver herself 15 minutes of quiet (to do dishes).

My youngest is 13 months old and has been teething almost non-stop for the last 2 months.  Normally he's a real trooper!  Today, however, circumstances got the best of him.  A morning running errands, an itchy rash on the back of his head, and a very late nap time all conspired against him today.  It all added up to one super clingy baby who refused to take a nap.  Did I mention that he has also hit that wonderful milestone where he wants to climb up and down and up and down on every.single.thing.in.sight?  Oy.  Unfortunately, I was in desperate need of getting some dishes done and working on a final assignment for school.  What is that quote?  "Necessity is the mother of invention?"  And thus was born...drum roll please...indoor s'more trail mix :)

Took out two bowls (one for each child), threw in a handful of honey nut cheerios, a few mini marshmallows, and some mini chocolate chips (though I would recommend regular size ones for this in the future).  Mixed it up and...voila!  My children were happily occupied for 20 minutes without a single peep!  Quite the feat considering our issues today.  The best was that I was able to quickly get some dishes done and get myself that much closer to "daddy home" time!

**Note** This is not the kind of thing I would normally feed my children nor would I make this a constant source of snacks.  The last two days have seen LOTS of car time and both of them have done amazingly well!  We all needed a treat and some quiet.

30 Days of thankfulness...Day 29

As this project draws to a close, my last two are two things that are thankfulness concepts God has been working in me for quite some time.  It's really been quite amazing the journey he is taking us on with these issues and I'm so excited to see where He will lead us in the future!

Day 29: I am so thankful that God has given our family a vision to reach out to those less fortunate.

Now...I realize that might sound cliche as many people make efforts to reach out to others during the holiday season.  What I'm thankful for is that God has given me a passion for this work.  It's difficult and draining to serve meals on Friday nights (you can read more about that here), it's uncomfortable to drive around downtown and trying to figure out who is homeless to talk to them, and it's not popular to give your Christmas money to someone else.  However, these are things that my husband and I have felt are very important for our family.

That means, that this year we will take what we would have spent on gifts and use that to bless others through organizations like Compassion International, Gospel for Asia, Samaritan's Purse, and OK Foster Wishes.  We will still get one gift for each child and we make gifts for one another.  We buy presents for our 2 nieces and do a children's gift exchange with parts of our families, but we aren't buying for adults this year.  I want to say right here that this doesn't mean that is what is right for your family or that you don't care about others if you don't do/feel led in this way.  This is just what works for us and what we feel called to do with our family...and it has been such a blessing to change what Christmas looks like for us!  [There is more to this story than I care to share on here, but if you are interested in the journey that got us here I'd be more than happy to talk to you about it!]

30 Days of Thankfulness...day 19-21

**Note: I couldn't bring myself to finish this post yesterday, but this has really been my "thankfulness" for the last few days.  Sorry for the tardiness of the post, but it doesn't negate the amazingness :)**

Today I am, as my friend Heidi said, "just thankful"!

Last Friday my husband and I drove downtown to participate in outreach to our city's homeless community.  We have gone several times (try to make it at least twice a month) and have begun to foster relationships with some of these people.  We go down and feed them, worship with them, pray with them, and hand out needed items (clothes, toiletries, underwear, socks, etc).  Every single time we drive home feeling like we don't deserve all that we have.

It is so easy to dismiss these people and assume they all made bad choices, are habitual drug users, are lazy, or a myriad of other stereotypes that just don't pan out when you actually hear there stories.  Yes, there are those that use drugs and those that have mental problems.  Some of them might be lazy and have made bad choices.  But they are people first and foremost.  They have hearts and feelings and emotions and needs and desires just like the rest of us.

Serving these men, women, and children (do you know how heartbreaking it is to serve babies and small children?) has been one of the most rewarding things I've ever done!  To see the genuine gratitude in their faces over something as simple as potato soup and crackers.  Or to see the smile when you actually shake their hand...you can't help but be touched by these souls.

I've begun to see how close we all are (yes, even you) to being in the same position as these people.  How the simplest of circumstances can alter someone's life forever.  And it's an incredibly sobering experience.  I am so thankful for the opportunity to get to know these people and I'm thankful that God is changing my heart because of it!

30 Days of Thankfulness...Day 17

Today I am so thankful for nap time :)

I woke up this morning feeling just awful.  Thanks to God's strength I made it to naptime and a surprise call from my father-in-law allowed me to extend nap time for myself beyond the time my son woke up!  It was definitely needed and I am so thankful that I was able to take a nap today...as petty as that might sound.

30 Days of Thankfulness...Day 16

Today I am thankful for rest.  Today was a very crazy day, but I got to enjoy it with my husband and this evening we got to take a chance to just rest.  No running around loading the dish washer (though it needed it), not doing laundry (though I have 3 loads waiting to be put away), and not madly working on homework (though I will need to make up for it tomorrow).  We needed this!  To be able to relax and spend time not worrying about anything else but having fun as a family and a couple :)

30 Days of Thankfulness...Day 15

Today I am thankful for all the encouraging words that have been poured into my life giving me the peace to realize that, during this crazy busy season of life, I can let myself take it easy a little.  

While I'm in school (and finishing end of the semester projects), working part time, and caring for our house full of boys (including one big boy who is also in school)...I can give myself a little breathing room in ways I wouldn't normally.  Buying disposable items more often will save me when all the dishes still aren't done, using paper towels more often than dish rags will save an extra load of laundry, and planning simple meals will save me from meal planning every two weeks.  I normally wouldn't allow myself some of these comforts (especially the disposable stuff) and I'm sure there will still be times when I feel guilty about it, but I'm going to remember that it's only a season and it is benefiting our family in other ways and allowing us more time to spend as a family :)

30 Days of Thankfulness...Day 12

Today I returned from an overnight women's retreat with the amazing women of our church!  Today I am so thankful for the women who went and even more so for our awesome God who (through the doubt and fears) brought us all together and then dug even deeper to allow us all the strength to open up to one another.  God used each and every one of those women and their comments, prayers, stories, and singing to build me up!  Something I really needed :)

So today I'm thankful for these amazing women and our even more amazing Heavenly Father who orchestrates it all to His glory!

30 Days of Thankfulness...Day 11

Before I start I just want to say that this project has been awesome at making me more aware of the things I am thankful for everyday!  I'm not perfect (thankful for that!) and haven't posted everyday, but letting myself have some slack has been necessary for this hectic time in our life.


That being said...I couldn't let today go by without expressing my thankfulness for my father-in-law!

My father-in-law, Jim, has been like a dad to me since James and I started dating.  Always there to help me keep James in line (hehehe), be a good listener, and love on our kids whenever possible.  He also served our country in Vietnam.  Knowing that he served in THAT war makes me all the more thankful.  He served at a time when it was extremely unpopular, he served without thanks or recognition, and he served his country...in two tours!  He served so my husband wouldn't have to, so my kids could have the freedoms they have today, and he did it all without a big welcome party when he came home...in fact with a welcome that we should all be ashamed of!  He is selfless and will always be a hero to me.

Today I am thankful for all of our veterans who have served our country, for those aren't "veterans" but who gave their time to our armed forces, and for the freedoms I enjoy because they fought.  Thank you!


[Special thanks also to our friends Ginger, David, Josh, and my granpas for their services to our country!]

30 Days of Thankfulness...Day 8

Today it is raining.  Last night we had another earthquake and a tornado warning along with the crazy rain storm moving through.  I've had only a handful of nights over the last week and a half that I have gotten 3 or more hours of consecutive sleep.  I'm tired, cranky, and stressed.  Finding something to be thankful for today was seeming impossible!  Mounting to-do lists, upcoming deadlines, and a general feeling of uneasiness have left me depleted and on auto-pilot.


And then Carter hit me.  This was NOT a good thing, he went directly to time out, but then something amazing happened...Carter started to cry and my little 1 year old Henry started to cheer him up.  Henry crawled over to Carter, then back to the office, shut the door, opened it, and crawled back out to Carter.  He did this over and over, playing peek a boo with his brother and both of them laughing hysterically!  It brightened my heart on this gloomy day to see my boys playing together and to see the compassion starting to blossom in Henry.  I can't think of something that would have been more touching or endearing to my heart this morning than hearing my boys playing together and laughing!


Today I am thankful, oh so thankful, for my children being so close in age and fostering such a beautiful friendship!

30 Days of Thankfulness...Day 4-7

I'm a little behind on my Thankfulness Project :)  It's for a good reason, I promise!


Day 4:
I'm thankful for technology!  Sounds weird, but without the advancements in technology I wouldn't have been able to see my brand new baby niece minutes after she was born (especially since we live 4 hour away)!  The gift of life is so precious and amazing and it was such a blessing to see her sweet little face and know everyone was doing well.


Day 5:
Thankful for safe travels for our family!  We left late Friday night to drive up and see my sister and her new baby.  We left late Saturday night to come home.  So glad that the trip was safe for our family and we arrived home a little sleep deprived and weary, but in one piece!


Day 6:
Thankful for healthy babies!  We take for granted the thousands of women (maybe more) who lose babies every day or have babies with major medical problems.  I firmly believe that God is in control of all situations, but I'm still thankful when he blesses our family with happy and healthy children.  We haven't been immune from problems with our children's births or from long-term medical problems, but I'm so thankful that they were pretty healthy at birth and that we live in a place where there are doctors with adequate training and equipment to help the ones that are sick.


Day 7...finally!


I am so thankful for my past.  


That might sound strange.  No...I didn't have a great childhood or a perfect high school experience.  However, all the pain and difficulties I endured during my formative years were knit together by God to make me the person I am today!  I had some amazing friends in high school and college that were such a blessing to me and helped me in ways they may never know (thank you...Shannon, Christin, Kristina, Tiffany, Catherine, Diana, Ben, Luke, Lacey, and James).  I owe a huge debt to these people (and I'm sure a few others who's names I can't remember right now) and I pray that God will bless their lives the way He has blessed mine through their friendships!

30 Days of Thankfulness...Day 3

I really needed the reminder to be thankful today, even when it isn't easy!


The last 5 nights have been rough in our house.  4 out of the 5 have included my boys waking up throughout the night for various reasons (no water, wrong blankie, too cold, diarrhea, etc.) and last night was no different in that capacity.  What *WAS* different is that we couldn't get our youngest to stay asleep.  If we rubbed his back he would drift back to sleep only to immediately start crying if we stopped.  Somewhere in the hour long tag game between my husband and I, I got the idea that my "hungry Henry hippo" might be just that...hungry.  It was 1 am...we were tired...I was willing to try almost anything to figure out what was wrong.  So I gave him a piece of Chex cereal (one of his favorite snacks).  And he ate it...and then wanted more.


So here we were, both my husband and I (our oldest son woke up when we got Henry out of his crib as they share a room), sitting on the couch feeding banana to our kids.  Carter ate a half a banana and a few pieces of cereal and headed back to bed.  Henry finished 1 1/2 bananas and a bit of cereal and we put him back down also.  Miracle of all miracles--they slept the rest of the night!


As funny as this story is, there were definitely points when I was not just a little irritated that I was up at 1 am feeding my kid banana.  Points when I craved my bed (which I haven't seen much over the last few nights) and peace and quiet.  But upon waking this morning (not in the best of moods I might add) God reminded me why it's all worth it.

Carter found this hat of mine upon waking this morning and has been wearing it off and on all day :)

So today, on day 3 of my project...I am thankful for God's grace and provision.  

I am absolutely not sufficient on my own to raise my children.  I am an imperfect human being at best, but by God's grace and provision I am equipped to do a much better job of raising up these little men.  

30 Days of Thankfulness...Day 2

Today I am so thankful that God has given me such an amazing job!  I work one day a week at a local college doing what I LOVE...cooking :)

My job has been so rewarding.  Getting to know the students, hearing some amazing and touching stories about how God has worked amazing miracles in peoples lives, and being able to utilize what I feel is my one true gifting.  It seemed like such a quick and fluke type of thing for me to even get this job and then for child care and transportation and everything to fall into place so perfectly!  I know that God has me right where he wants me right now and is using this opportunity to grow me.  For all of that I am so thankful!